Happy Birthday Dear

make love not war

Buat Cinta bukannya Perang. Aku suka mendengar ayat itu. Ia memberitahu kita supaya tidak mencari gaduh dengan sesiapa. Anehnya dunia ini adalah bila kau mendapati seorang lelaki baik seperti Abraham Lincoln mati dibunuh dalam sebuah teater. Jika kita melihat sejarah, kita juga akan mengetahui yang Mahatma Ghandi juga mati dibunuh seorang India yang ekstrem. Malah, lebih menyedihkan, ketiga-tiga Khalifah Harun al-Rashidin; Umar, Osman dan Ali juga meninggal dunia kerana dibunuh umat Islam sendiri. Daripada semua yang kita lihat tadi, apakah kemungkinan dapat disimpulkan.

Berbuat baik di dunia, balasannya di akhirat? Begitukah kesudahan untuk semua kebaikan yang dilakukan? Aku cuba untuk melihat perkara ini secara positif. Namun disebabkan mood aku yang kurang baik, mungkin aku agak sukar melihatnya dengan jelas. Rasa marah meluap-luap kerana manusia tak henti-henti membuka kemarahan aku. Tidakkah dapat mereka belajar dari sejarah, atau nafsu serakah hati busuk menjadi kompas mereka selama ini.

Hidup seorang diri aku mula belajar untuk memekakkan telinga aku ini. Aku padam apa yang aku tak suka dengar. Aku ambil apa yang aku boleh belajar. Bagaimanapun, mulut manusia tak henti-henti untuk memperkatakan apa yang kita tidak mahu dengar sebenarnya. Mereka kata ia tidak lebih daripada mengusik tapi cuba aku lempang muka dia sekarang ni, ada dia orang kata ia tidak lebih daripada mengusik. Sakit hati sebenarnya mendengar kata-kata umpatan. Kalau orang lain menjadi mangsa kita bengang, inikan diri sendiri. Kenapalah aku tidak boleh memilih kawan-kawan aku?

Namun bagaimana jika api melawan api.... aku sering memikirkan teori itu. Sayangnya, kejadian aku dari Tuhan tidak dengan mulut lepas. Dia bentuk aku menjadi pemendam dengan semuanya disimpan erat sehingga sampai waktu untuk diletupkan. Hari demi hari aku merasakan aku berjalan dengan hati yang cukup sarat. Aku tidak larat memikul semua yang dipendam tapi aku tidak tahu dimana untuk dilepaskan. Aku mohon sebenarnya untuk diri aku menjadi sejuk dan tenang kembali. Aku tak sanggup menjadi pemarah yang tak tentu hala tujunya. Marah biar bersebab, aku fikir. Marah biar kerana pendirian bukan kerana kebodohan. Aku tidak apa untuk diperkatakan lagi. Kata-kata aku bersimpul jadinya. Masalah belum selesai.

we are not saint nor devil

Why do people keep on doing stupid thing? They blame on circumstances for all that happen. As it is destined for them to doom. It is really sad to see how we end up in a trap that we can't escape. I hate to find out someone that I loved and cherished get stucked with drugs and booze. They say it more of escapism. I would like to tell them that it is more of killing yourself in slower way. There should be a better way to escape. A path that can let you see the other side of picture. It's not worth it in damaging yourself. Problem will just kept on coming. You can never beat sadness and frustration like that. I hear all the time that time will heal. It trully does. But at the same time, don't let the healing process delayed. Be Brave and get out from it. Get On with Life. Seek out New Interest. Seek out new Challenge. And most importantly, Cherish your Life. Don't be selfish cause there are others that loves you too beside yourself.

Dreaming With A Broken Heart

When you're dreaming with a broken heart

The waking up is the hardest part

You roll outta bed and down on your knees

And for the moment you can hardly breathe

Wondering was she really here?

Is she standing in my room?

No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand

Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Baby won't you get them if i did?

No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart

The waking up is the hardest part

* this John Mayer song really hit me hard. Sometimes I do wish I don't have to wake up from a beautiful dream. I want to stay in that dream

story of the night

Why suddenly it become so hard to put this thought in writing? I've been typing for almost an hour but still nothing comes out. If I'm concern about what people will be saying, i don't see anyone reading it. I'm also very sure that nobody gives a damned about it. So why is it very hard.

Maybe because this thing that i'm writing down over here concern very much about what's inside my heart. The sentimental thing that every proud ego man most oftenly avoid it. Talking about love. Yuppp, that's the thing.

You see, my case is similar with everything that you watch in movies or read in a book. Boy meets Girl. Boy fall in love with the Girl. Suddenly, they're in neverland. But then, something bad happen, more of an earthquake or tsunami if I can methaphore it. Things start falling down, and what supposed to be a happy story turn out to a sad ending. Both Boy and Girl become heart broken and their path is no longer together.

I summarized everything in a five line paragraph. Surely it's not enough but i guess you got the picture. The thing that i've been through is like a common thing for every one. I guess everybody have their own version of the story but the plot is still the same. I guess.

So how's life after a relationship. It's kinda hard to explain it. From my perspective, I see it as I'm living a full and an empty life both at the same time. I'm living a life that demands commitment from it (job, family, friend) but surely from time to time, I feel really lonely.

Everytime my mind was brought to the memories of the bad moment (in the relationship), i can't escape the fact that I do have good moment. It's like being in heaven and hell both at the same time. Still i see her more of an angel. Someone that I can hold on tight to get through a cold and shivering night. A year has gone by. But here I am, typing out melancholy of my past love. Surely miss her a lot. And that explain why I'm here typing something in my blog.

Well, I've said it. Now it's time to go home and sleep. Tomorow i still got a work to do. Living a life that i felt full and empty both at the same time. Good night for now.... and GOD BLESS YOU TOO!

*soundtrack - Al Green's cover of Bee Gees 'how can you mend a broken heart' on his 1972 album 'Let's Stay Together'