dengar dan rasa

''At 10 I shaved my head and tried to be a monk
I thought the older women would like me if i did,''

river cuomo, across the sea

aku melakukannya tapi bukan sebarang percubaan untuk menjadi pendeta. aku melakukannya kerana tiada apa untuk difikirkan. percubaan untuk pembaharuan, mengisi ruang yang terbentang. begitupun, pokok-pokok di rumah masih lagi layu. mungkin kerana aku kurang berbual dengan mereka. ada apa-apa cadangan lain?


''Did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?''

pink floyd, wish you were here

Sesekali aku tertawa disamping hiba menonton filem-filem lama. Aku tertarik dengan pendekatan Gregory Peck yang bersahaja namun mendalam. Pada waktu tertentu, aku seperti jatuh cinta dengan Audrey Hepburn yang menjemput kegembiraan, biarpun dia tahu erti sebaliknya. Paling aku tekanan sekali adalah Hitchcock yang buat Vertigo, putaran logik yang dia mainkan membuat aku tergamam. Layar perak sering merangkumkan keindahan waktu dan ia turut merakamkan kejutan. hidup begitu juga, cuma ia tak berlaku dalam durasi 120 minit.


''I read the news today oh, boy
Four thousand holes in blackburn, lancashire''

John Lennon and Paul McCartney, a day in the life

Keberangkalian utama mengapa aku jarang sangat menghubungi kampung halaman adalah kerana aku tiada banyak berita gembira. Aku tidak tahu bagaimana untuk menjawab soalan-soalan yang sama dan kebanyakan waktu, aku mengalihkan topik. Bagaimanapun, penampan itu tidak dapat bertahan lama kerana lambat laun, aku perlu juga menghadapi kenyataan. Betul sebagaimana dikatakan, realiti itu mengigit.

Lover, You Should've Come Over

by Jeff Buckley

Looking out the door

i see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners

Parading in a wake of sad relations

as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe i'm too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight you're on my mind so you never know

When i'm broken down and hungry

for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much i need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away,

when he feels like he should be having his fun

And much too blind to see the damage he's done

Sometimes a man must awake to find that really,

he has no-one

So i'll wait for you... and i'll burn

Will I ever see your sweet return

Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you should've come over
'Cause it's not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made,

the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner

is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns

and yearns for a sleep that will never come

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss

upon her shoulder

It's never over, all my riches for her smiles

when i slept so soft against her

It's never over, all my blood

for the sweetness of her laughter

It's never over, she's the tear

that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe i'm just too young

To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you should've come over

'Cause it's not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on

And i'm much too old to break free and run

Too deaf, dumb,

and blind to see the damage i've done

Sweet lover, you should've come over

Oh, love well i'm waiting for you

Lover, you should've come over

'Cause it's not too late

'angel at my table'

by The Frames


There's an angel at my table
And she broke her wings
She's packed her things
She said I'm the only one she'll turn to

But there's a devil on my shoulder
And he's telling me she's so beautiful
That I should go up there and hold up
She's looking on

How can I stay here
It wouldn't be what she wants
And I'm trying to break it easy
But she's pleading with me

Will you be my anchor
When there is no-one around to hold me down
Will you be my anchor
I know you're not the answer

There's an angel at my table
And she's blessed the breeze
That blows in between her and everything
She's left in that (heaven)
And I wish she'd call'
Cause that devil's on my shoulder
And he's pulling me down
And I'm trying to keep a balance
But she's begging me

Will you be my anchor
When there is no-one around to hold me down
Will you be my anchor
I know you're not the answer

There's an angel at my table
She said I'm the only one she'll turn to

*someday, who knows, i might go to ireland and find myself lost in english language

the mechanic

I know the mechanic for more than two years. The workshop is hidden from the street and it has a nice view of the city from it. It's not a very grand but it just feel nice.

Patiently, I waited for almost three hours. I like to observe the work. As master of none, I always admired people that have skill to fix things. The rules is in their hand. They know how to use tools and they certainly know what are they doing.

Out of perspective, I think we can't escape problems. It keep on coming. But then, there's always problem-solving. and if that doesn't work, there's always an idiot-guide-on-how-to. This thing call maintainance is so vital but yet I kept on losing track. I should take all those advise seriously and kept it tidy.

Back on the workshop story. It so happens that my car problem is not solved yet. The spare part doesn't work and new problem just kept on emerging. I'm hoping for a miracle but it didn't happen. The job had to be postponed because is already too late and i got to wait another time.

When i'm about to think, that life is something that can be certain, it's really not, there's another part called luck. But yet, we'll keep on learning, trying, rethinking and somehow, keep on working, just to make it happen. Life is beautiful and I'll keep on wishing.