choke

I'm sorry but i can't make up my mind. I don't know whether i'm comfortable in isolation (which is the state i'm being) or being in cramp pack places (which i've been in the past and would be in the future). The thought of not having someone to talk to is tiring. What is more scary is that i always find myself being lost whenever i'm alone. The simple way of describing is like when i'm alone, i don't sense any gravity to glue me to earth. A lost soul wondering without any purpose. However, in crowded places, i never really like any attention. I like to play tricks on being invisible. Weird, but i like hiding among the crowd.

Most probably, the cause of all this conflict is that i don't have any purpose. There are some nice wishes but i don't really think it would come around. I'm so tired from having my hopes high that i'm ended under a deep hole. Most of the time, i would say to myself that it will be okay. I kept on being nice but right now, sloath is tangling around me. Whenever the clock is moving, i would say to myself, when would all this end. and Whenever i wake up from my sleep, i do sense that my body is moving but i think my soul is still left in the bed

But not everything is bad. Every evening i went back to my house and pick up any interesting movie to watch or let myself float in any book i'm reading. I had to really on other reality to get away from my true reality, which could be a location from a murder scene, yup, that is my house. It is facsinating. Living in all this irony which doesn't bring any proper meaning. I'm too tired actually. All i want is a peaceful mind and a good life to live on. Cheers.