lately, in every morning i wake up, there is a certain fear. i don't know what it is. It takes the time before i get out of the bed and have a bath. that period of emptiness, somehow govern me that everything is pitch black. Maybe it's true, it's frustation. But to have it over and over again, for days, weeks and months, makes me feel week and useless.
Somehow, i don't know how end this circle. Like a big sloath that has been eating me inside, i'm afraid of the outside world. I'm afraid of what tomorow will bring to me. The future seems so alien, i take myself as a rock, buried down in the deep ocean floor. i want to cry, but what for, the tears is all around and drowning me. I'm too sad to fake a smile. I'm too damaged.
I couldn't float without the gravity pulling down. The fact is nobody can float in the air. However, that is who i am. Someone who wants to challenge the rule because of the unhappiness around. There were time where i could just run, and let the sweat with the short breath, help me to feel alive. But what for. I'm doubting all answer, and i'm even doubting all question.
This person, who i am right now, is the same person i've known for along thing. it's my mr. hyde. irrensponsible, ugly and a menace. Maybe i should kill him, but i couldn't kill myself. Living in irony is hard. I prefer something that is plain and simple. But the reality is far beyond what we can imagine, and the future is big question of unknown. Without even realizing it, i think i just open a pandora box. Now, the biggest task, how to shut it back, forever.
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