uncomplete

Believe is what you grab into. Something you can hold on in facing phases through phases. It gives inspiration and make things move. I do believe all great people come from what they believe. Despite that, for this moment, I have nothing to believe. I don't even have an instict or a hunch to really on. I am more of blind man with a stick trying to find where is the hanging pillow. I'm not saying this like I'm becoming anarchy (I still believe in one God) or something, it's just.. I don't know who I am anymore.

Being trap in that kind of situation, you can imagine how many mistakes I have done in the present and in the past. Many of it happen without my conscious, and I have to live through it with regret. I try to put a clear mind on everything but it's not as simple as that. There's too many puzzle left unsolved and I'm stuck here, alone, wondering what is really going to happen. Is my life is just about all those abstract dream that i got? I know what I want but why can't I have it, or share with it, or live in it?

For many parts of my life, I've been suffering a disturbing feeling of not living in the present. Most of time, i keep on questioning myself 'what am I doing here'. It's like a ship without a direction. Yes, I know i'm floating in the sea but where the hell am I going. People said go to school, yes, i go to school, people said, go to work, yes, i go to work, but something deep inside me is asking 'what is trully going on'. I hate my present condition of continous sober. It's like i'm trap in glass jar. I can't be happy because I'm sad. I can't move because I can't let go. I can't live because I'm.. empty inside.

take care and good night