joyeux anniversaire cher

garis dari titik bahagian akhir

penantian itu mendebarkan, berdiri di hadapan pintu berkenaan, seringkali terlebih awal, selebihnya terlalu lewat, namun kali ini, mungkin masa berhenti seketika, loceng itu pun disentuh, berbunyi ia bergema, helai pintu itu terbuka kecil, debar ini menjadi bertambah kocak dengan sepasang mata muncul merenung, mataku mengerdipkan khabar, dia melihatnya sahaja dan menutup kembali pintu, resah, aku membelakangi, mengeluarkan sebatang rokok, debar ini perlu sembunyi di sebalik kabus, namun tidak sempat pemetik dinyalakan, pintu itu berbunyi lagi, pantas puntung dicampakkan jauh dan aku berpaling, sungguh, hadir di hadapan adalah gadis yang paling indah, paling cantik, dia melangkah kepadaku, degup jantung ini makin laju dengan dia makin hampir, begitupun harumnya begitu menenangkan dan aku tenggelam dalam cahaya matanya, perkataan tidak dapat tertera, kerana rasanya amat manis, aku menghadiahkannya sekuntum mawar berwarna jambu, comel sekali senyumannya, tabir lif itu sekian lama menanti, perlahan ia berlabuh, namun dari sudut kecil yang kian menutup, tampak tangan dua insan, saling menggenggam erat.

garis dari titik II

tergelincir, lantai ini licin sangat rasanya, ataupun patut pasang lampu yang lebih besar, biar terang, nampak semuanya, termasuk paku-paku yang menganga, tapi nampak tidak juga lihat, terpaksa berpaut pada tiang, genggam erat, kemungkinan itu keberangkalian, jujur atau palsu, tanah akhirnya terbongkang, langit runtuh salju, dingin, kecil aku kecut, terlucut dan terjatuh, untuk melihat ia masih berdiri, jauh lebih tinggi

garis dari titik

Berdiri tegak, sejambak mawar tersergam di tangan, secawan kopi hitam panas, kelaknya dihirup perlahan-lahan, namun pandangan langsung tidak terlepas, menjengket sedikit melihat rupa bawah, nun tinggi dari pencakar langit, dan jatuh baring di atas rumput, membuka langit lepas, perkara rumit, mudahkannya, kusut lenyap, angan terbang, selam sebentar kembali bernafas, lampu limpah kini terbentang, lengkap itu tunggu, lekas hanya jantung berdegup, tari tidak mati, biar halimunan melingkari, bawah redup ini, teduh buat bersama

an afternoon at al-masyhur

I was looking at the mamak guy while his preparing a meal for someone. His hand were quick with knive and he organized all the spices and the ingredients in designated spot. I know that his cooking are not that delicious but surely it can be eaten. While my eyes are busy capturing images in high speed, my mind went slow with miserable thoughts. Mostly, it involves with low self esteem and a feeling of lost about the future. I can handle the first part, however the second one is quite tricky. My bosses were mentioning my name quite often recently, it's not that i didn't feel appreciated but I know the main reason is that they want to transfer me somewhere else. I'm okay with it but to start back from zero, is very exhausting. I know it's a phase that everybody must encounter, the question is just the matter of time. Oh yeah, time, something that I'm really terible at. Sometimes I do envy at people that can settle down. They have taken their time and make the decision. But for me, I didn't have that option. Even if I had it..., no I don't have it. And so this nomad just keep on the journey to nowhere, meeting people that he can't call friends and fell asleep after tired reading a book that he doesn't know what the title is. People keep on saying the first step is the longest one. If only I can do summersault, I can be cool without going anywhere. Sweet Dreams and Let see what the future brings.

'bangun'

Another working sunday, I think, after working in this line for several years, I've lost my sense of weekend. Much worse than that, I also can't tell the differences between day and night. It's quite phatetic actually, when your biology clock fails. Up until now, I still remember the 'one' word that my friend text message to me... 'bangun'. Just that one word, and i feel miserable for the whole day. I guess they realized that there's no more use of my bragging my bad habit of waking late. shucks...

There's no acurate reason that I can explain. At first, I tried to blame the weather. Well, it just didn't feel right. Later on, I said, it is because of the nightmares that I had. Then again, it's too childish. By this time being, I just kept silent about it. I know it's my fault because it's all over my shoulder. There's nothing else to blame but myself. And if there's changes, it got to come from inside me.

Maybe, well just maybe, the reason why I'm always trap in this situation is because I want to remain static. Every new phases brings new puzzles. And I'm really suck as a beginner. God knows how many times I've fallen in my steps. Every new chapter, I kept on learning from my mistakes. and I'm tired of being laughed. Sometimes I just want to grab a gun and shoot all the clowns. However, as I learn that i can't cheat, I learn to accept it.... just one of those days out of millions that come from it.

In abstract way, I always hope that everything goes well. I've grown to become a pessimistic but it didn't stop me from having faith. Maybe we just unlucky when stumble into hard situation. Ain't we all. Lately, i'm getting used talking about it to the moon and the stars, I look at the cloud and i pictured it as a painting hanging in the sky, and my favourite moment is the magical sunset. I take it all as a glimpse of happiness, just to get through time that kept on chasing from behind.

Good Night and Sweet Dreams...

*Ps: try to listen Jack Johnson "What You Thought You Need'', I guess you know how it feels.